Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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