Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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