This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
