I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
