I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
