Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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