I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
