wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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