nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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