I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Alive.
So much puke
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
