you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
