Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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