Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
