I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
