so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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