My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
