The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
