I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
