So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
