in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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