So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
