So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
