This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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