Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
