I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize