the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
