I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
