When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
