I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
