I just threw up on my dentist
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
