I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize