I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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