i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
its not stalking. its research.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
