We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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