let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
pop tarts are not kleenex
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
