that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I will pee on everything he values.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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