I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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