i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
