get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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