I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
