remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
