I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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