I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I will be naked everywhere
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
