Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
