So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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