You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
