Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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