I met the friendliest cop last night
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
