Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
