Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
