he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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