Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize