it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize
