lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
i now understand why vodka
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
