just tell him i said nine months
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
