forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
