Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
