Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
