you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I need to calm my uterus...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
