dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
