Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Drunk is not a location!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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