shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
