Whod you bang
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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