I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
