I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize