He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
