i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
